It has been a very very long time since I picked up the mouse and update this blog, to think of it, it has been 9 months and 40 days of another kind of cluttered days and preoccupation. What has taken such a toll of my time? I had been pregnant with my first child and had delivered the cutest boy to life in this world on April 30. I can see for real the little face I dreamt about all day long, wondering how he would look and sound like. Honestly, sometimes I still wake up feeling whether is it a dream having a baby snoozing quietly next to me. It seemed surreal at times. Funny feeling. Maybe I am still adjusting.
Being pregnant is a big thing. I thought it was not. I discovered that many assumptions I had made before being pregnant were unreal - like: it's a natural thing so I will naturally know what to do. Though God gave me the ability to conceive, pregnancy is more learning than going to school! There's so many new things as each days passes. As baby grows in me, my whole world turns upside down all for one purpose - to accommodate baby, even my work. No wonder people say baby inside you is the perfect example of a parasite, for a good cause of course. The first 3 months called for a new diet, nausea, ultrasound scanning, cramping in vitamins and milk, craving for beef burger with onions and an unmistakable tiredness. I too can't escape from the new found anxiety a mom-to-be experiences, wondering about the gender of the child. I distinctively remember dreaming of having a baby boy sitting in the front seat of the car next to me driving and talking to me, not long before my pregnancy was ascertained. Also God's gentle voice telling me it's a baby boy in answer to my prayer. There's also this sense that "yes, it's a he" in my heart. I cannot fully explain how it feels, its like since this early stage there's been a connection, a link that's like a cord of string that has tied all of me to baby. Even though medically people believe he's not considered as a person yet, I felt otherwise. Physically, he may appear to be a tiny clump of growing cells without proper human form but the connection I felt seemed to indicate that he's already whole - God made him whole and I can communicate with him. So then came the decision to name him and connect with him as much as possible. Michael, a name both Elijah and I enjoy, was given and declared over the bulging tummy everyday.
As baby grows, we were more curious as to what he would look like and what he would like to do, often talking about what life would be after he arrived. I am very thankful that my pregnancy was a non complicated one, except for a cold that got me a runny nose for 4 days and shivering uncontrollably one night. Though I was getting heavier by the month, I was still energetic to carry on my usual work and activities. However, the sleep doesn't come easy on certain nights - doctor says it's hormonal, plus the weight on my backbone makes turning over a chore and breaks the sleep. In addition, little Michael's most active at night turning, kicking, stretching his hands. I often wondered with such little sleep during the last trimester would I still have strength left for normal delivery.
Finally, due date was near. We also realised that if Michael comes out then, it would be double charge for all hospital expenses - 1st May Labour Day. So mom and dad-to-be sat down and talked to the child-in-tummy that it would be better if he could be born a day earlier or later. Soon, water broke at 4am 30th April 2007. Maybe it's me but I couldn't stop noticing that the amniotic fluid had a sweet fragrant scent - smell of little flowers was the picture in my head. I was expecting it to be ugly and had been preparing for a big gush. It was a little trickle and there was no pain, hence there was time for breakfast - dim sum to be precise; just what I wanted before I deliver my child. I checked into the hospital at 9am, without much change to my condition. I was given the drip to induce dilation and to wait for contraction to begin. Mom was right there with me, observing and helping me relax. She was a comfort and a great help. Elijah was in the room too. Knowing family members being around really settled me down. Those few hours laying on the bed I was full of anticipation yet wishing time could pass quicker as the contractions became more frequent and intense, my mouth drying up due to the moaning and breathing. Finally I was told that I was bearing down as my breathing pattern changed to rapid short breaths and was wheeled into the labour room. By then I couldn't care less of the pain, I just wanted to get over it as soon as possible.
Even knowing how to give birth doesn't come naturally. The midwife monitors the contractions and guides me to do the pushing right. Mom was walking around getting something ready, Elijah was told to stand beside me at the corner of the room. After three attempts, Michael came out as doctor capped his crown with the vacuum pump. It was a tremendous relief as all the weight and the water left me - I could have fallen asleep there if not for the stitching. Boy, he came out eyes wide open, his cry was loud and clear, but it only lasted a short while before he turned his attention to look at the new environment. Mom quickly placed him on a table and tried ways to make him cry. He did for a while again until he was placed into my arms. Too tired to take a good look at him but the sense of joy was unmistakable. I gave birth to my baby, it was a success and I did it without Epidural. Proud of it. I have conquered the fear of pain during child birth and am now enjoying the fruit of my labour. He is wonderful. Such big bright eyes.
An hour after giving birth, I had a haematomy - I ruptured a blood vessel and was bleeding. I did not know what was happening except knowing I was getting very sleepy and the wound was getting more painful. I was wheeled back to the labour room and the doctor was told to return. Mom was frantic as the bleeding was bad. She opened the stitches and released the clogged blood. I was feeling terrible by now as this was an unexpected turn of events. They collected 2 pints of blood and I was stitched up again. I just want to go home, I told myself. But I had to recover well, I still want to breastfeed my baby. Because of this episode, I missed the chance to see Michael that night. Tired, disappointed, weak, I fell asleep. What a day.
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